Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Fungible binge bait

Here's proof, for those inclined to certain suspicions about my character, that while I certainly indulge in product placement in Frazz, it's not with any kind of ulterior motive (i.e., proof that I am a lousy businessman). I'm just continuing to draw the world more or less as it resembles mine.

What kind of cookie does Mrs. Olsen binge on? Not something homemade. That wouldn't be very Mrs. Olsen, and homemade cookies don't have the same kind of binge-bait cachet anyway (note: that last claim is proven false around Chez Mallett every time Patty bakes chocolate-chip cookies). Not Chips Ahoys or their Keebler counterparts, tasty as those are. Not even Oreos, which are wonderfully tasty AND a much smaller word to fit into the dialogue balloon. Nope. Mrs. Olsen binges on Nutter Butters, because, according to my biased analysis, they are simply the best.

Meaning if I put them into the strip trolling for any kind of free sample from whoever makes Nutter Butters, I am a complete idiot if I want to keep my weight and triglycerides down.

Not that I'm not an idiot. Idiocy, it turns out, is fungible. Is what? Is fungible. Differing commodities that can be traded equally are called fungibles. I'll trade you a ton of potash for a ton of lime; certain types of dirt are fungible. Trade you my sandwich for your cheese stick; kids' lunch items are supremely fungible. Reed and Renee are worth their weight in gold; turns out my editors are fungible.

So when I convince myself that Kellogg's Cracklin' Oat Bran's oats are better for my blood than its copious amounts of brown sugar and palm oil are bad for it, I have to admit that my stupidity is equally applicable to a prematurely empty cereal box as it is to an empty cookie container.

And no big word from the back of an economics book is going to make me look any smarter.


Jim Smith II said...

Tis true - Nutter Butters are hard to resist (along with Mothers iced animal crackers)...

Jef Mallett said...

Ohhhhh ... you've identified another of my favorites. You and I cannot ever go grocery shopping together.

La Professora said...

There's no such thing as a "half-empty" box of Thin Mints in my abode. They're my kryptonite.

Liz said...

Storebought cookies should be a controlled substance. Homemade cookies are safe and legal regardless of content. Making them yourself and sharing them automatically drops the calories by 40%.

That's my hypothesis and I'm sticking to it.

Nathan said...

Another analysis: "Nutter Butter" is inherently funny. "Chocolate-chip cookie" isn't. (Although "Oreo" and "oatmeal raisin" are at least a step in the right direction.)