Patty says: Poetry in motion is overrated

It likely will never be determined whether I am, in fact, the inevitable evolutionary result of a long line of uncoordinated beings who still managed somehow to breed. I am at the very least the product of a short line of klutzes headed by my mom, who has—more than once—entered a party by falling down a flight of stairs into it.

In other words, I come by my klutziness honestly.

As I write this, I'm nursing a sore shoulder from an unfortunate incident that took place this morning, when I fell out of our back door and into our driveway as I was leaving for work.

I don't know what happened. (I hardly ever know what happened.) I do know that Jef, who witnessed my display of gracelessness (as he often does—perhaps he really does sweep me off my feet) asked me if I was OK before he started giggling.

This is noteworthy.

When Jef and I had been dating for maybe six months, I slipped on a patch of ice at the top of the stairs as I was leaving his second-story apartment and bounced emphatically down to the driveway. While I have no doubt the sight was an entertaining one—pratfalls are a comedy staple for good reason—I was highly unamused that my boyfriend was giggling as he extended his hand to help me up.

After words were exchanged, Jef and I agreed on a rule: Giggling's OK, but only after you're sure no one's hurt.

We've been together almost 25 years now, and Jef has witnessed countless incidents of spousal gracelessness. And since that night 24 years ago, he's lived up to our agreement: He asks first. Then he giggles. (I can recall a single exception: The Sunday afternoon four years ago when I lost my balance going down concrete steps in my parents' backyard and landed face-first on their deck, breaking off one of my front teeth. There were no giggles—at least not until I got my first look at my damaged smile in a mirror and started cracking redneck jokes. Jef spent 3+ hours with me at my dentist's office that afternoon, and later gave that dentist [Michael S. Palaszek, D.D.S., of Lake Michigan Dental in Grand Rapids, a true gentleman and highly skilled clinician] a Frazz original as a thank-you for giving up a substantial portion of his weekend to put my mouth back together.)

I'm looking forward to many more years of Jef sweeping me off my feet—and giggling when I fall. I just hope I never break a hip.